Hàng Ngày

Throughout my college career I faced the challenge of having to defend my college against he onslaught of those who believed it to be superfluous.

“Why do you need to go to a girls’ school in this day and age? Isn’t it like reverse discrimination? Women are totally equal in society these days, so why would you want to go to an all girls’ school for college.”

My reactions were as varied as San Francisco weather in April: some days I responded with an angry tirade of expletives about the questioner’s naivete regarding the progress women have made over the past century; other days I offered a polite and measured rebuttal to their claims; and sometimes I just responded to the questions with a smile that told the listener: “I just know something you will never know.”

I knew that Barnard was special from the first time I visited, the blustery February day turning my nostrils to icicles and my cheeks a bright shade of flush from the biting New York wind. I couldn’t tell you why. It was just a feeling.

During my four years at Barnard I was repeatedly asked the question, “Why Barnard” and I devised a few clever answers, my favorite being: “Most colleges prepare you to graduate as educated people. Barnard prepares its graduates to be educated women. They’re different because in our gendered, biased, unequal society, people are male by default. Barnard is different.” This usually shut people up. It sounds smart, right? I do believe it’s true. But that’s not really all of it, because that intellectual retort doesn’t capture the feeling of Barnard that I find difficult to articulate in anything less than an expression or a mood. Words are certainly not enough.

Tonight I found myself in the living room of one of VIA’s Board members among a group of soon-to-be Strong, Beautiful Barnard women. These graduating high school seniors had gathered to hear remarks from the Dean of First-Year students about course offerings, matriculation, orientation, and other opportunities for first-years at Barnard. I threw in my own two-cents now and again, but mainly just stood in a corner and watched the energy dance around the room. Even before they have embarked upon their Barnard paths, each these women evoked a unique sense of passion and spunk that I rarely find in such large doses.

Two weeks ago I attended Barnard’s commencement ceremony with two friends from my Barnard class. The commencement address, delivered by one famous Secretary, encouraged Barnard seniors to take their Barnard experiences out into the world and share them with women who are less privileged. A useful message, and quite politically savvy. The most impressive speech to me, however, was delivered by the president of Barnard Student Government Association, and spoke to the uncertainty of the current career climate and the fact that the graduating class would have to make tough choices. What she advised her classmates to do was maintain connections with the Barnard women around them so as to live their different paths vicariously through shared memories and experiences. What an amazing message! I felt instantly reconnected sitting there, arms linked with my former classmates.

I felt equally reconnected this evening when speaking with this new generation of Barnard women, encouraging them to break rules, to ask important questions and to follow their dreams. Sure, maybe I would have done all of those things without Barnard. I probably would have become strong and self-confident even if I hadn’t gone to Barnard. That’s what coming of age is all about, right? But the point is, I did go to Barnard. And I owe Barnard and the people who surrounded me in class, on campus and in New York City for four years more than a small amount of credit for what I am, and am becoming in the world.

Maybe I haven’t articulated it any better here on this blog than I have in past attempts. *Sigh*

But really, the old cliche that “a picture is worth a thousand words” holds true for this example. I don’t have a digital copy of my high school senior year picture to post here, but I wish I did as a comparison. Wait! I was just tagged in this photo on facebook: a picture from my high school graduation. See the person’s back turned with curly hair? The skinny one? Yeah, that’s me!

Another thing that someone talked about at Barnard’s commencement was that Barnard women are not afraid to be fully present, to be loud, to go against the crowd, and to take up space. If you compare that senior year picture to a picture of me now, almost ten years later–damn, I take up a lot more space. And that’s why Barnard exists. Sure, I probably could have learned to take up space somewhere else. But I didn’t. I learned it at Barnard.